The Prince's Epilouge
by MuchoBoho
Summary: Severus Snape has just died, finally some release after a long, hard life. Expecting solitude and nothingness, he his surprised when he sees a few unexpected yet familiar faces. Slight Sev/Lilyness. R&R!


Hello everybody. This is my first foray into the mind of Snape, so I really hope that I do him right. If not, I'm new at this, so you can't blame me to much lol Leave responses and stuff, I live on feedback.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything like that.

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Relaxation, it's a word Severus Snape has never even had the luxury of thinking of since he was old enough to know what it meant. Even when he was a young child, his ever so loving parents kept him on his toes. The run down apartment he lived in was always filled with people, the shared bathroom for the entire floor was always occupied which made it rather hard to go to the bathroom whenever he wanted to, let alone shower and bathe and brush his teeth as often as himself and society would want him to. Add the fact that he was completely socially awkward to greasy hair and dirty, baggy clothes meant that he was on the receiving end of much ridicule.

Being treated like that at such a young age can do a few things to a kid. It could have made him act out and not pay attention in school and basically not give a crap about pretty much anything. Unfortunately, it seems as if Severus Snape is incapable of just not caring, incapable of doing nothing…incapable of just letting himself relax. Instead of not caring at all, he compensated for a lack of friends by burying himself in his studies , eyes reading the small print of the pages until his eyes were bloodshot and drooping, often times falling asleep on the books he loved so much when other boys his age were outside playing and getting dirty and scraping their knees. He envied them so much, he resented the people who could just enjoy themselves, though he sort of knew that even if there was a small possibility that he could have things easier, he wouldn't. Even back then he didn't know how to take it easy, he wouldn't have been able to.

He started going to Hogwarts and he could have sworn that things would be easier. He was going to be learning magic, something that he was insanely interested in and excited to learn. Mathematics and literature were sort of interesting, but for the most part he had to force himself to get into his studies, he was sure that transfiguration and charms and the like. More than that, he was sure that when he was finally in a school for people of his own kind he would find a little niche, a place where he could fit in and have some friends. That was what he thought until he was sorted into Slytherin house.

Initially proud to be in the house of Salazar Slytherin, known for cunning and resourcefulness and all sort of good things, he quickly realized that being a Slytherin meant being a marked man for the rest of his stay at Hogwarts. Once again he found himself in a position where things were just so damn hard. He didn't get along with the majority of the Slytherins because they were so into the whole pure blood thing, and he is a half blood himself, so he couldn't muster up the same sort of malice that the rest of his housemates had.

On the other hand he couldn't manage to make friends with the other people in other houses, because Slytherins had this stigma to them. They were automatically evil, and since he wasn't the type who went out and talked to people and tried to get them to see a different side of him they just kept on thinking it. The way Severus saw it was that they were going to hate him no matter how much he tried to get them to like him, so why try. Besides, someone who would judge him based on his house were just as big of bastards as the types who judged him for his weathered and dirty appearance in primary school, he didn't want to have anything to do with them either.  
So, his entire time at Hogwarts was spent befriending people who somewhat made him sick when he thought of the things that they said and they stood for. But he befriended them because, as scummy as they were, they opened their arms to him. The evil scourge of Hogwarts were the only ones to open up to the poor, greasy, socially awkward bookworm who was Severus Snape. So he attempted to be someone he wasn't, believe in things that he didn't, in order to remain in the favor of the only people who could stand him. Keeping up a front for so long was difficult, but he thought that it was the only thing he could do. He didn't see how long he would have to keep it up…and exactly what it would cost him.

Through his earlier years, it seemed as if the only bit of stability that he had was Lily Evans. She was sweet and kind and funny, and she actually took the time to get to know him. It was the sort of relationship he never thought he would have, she was interested in what he could tell her about the wizarding world and she was willing to spend time with him and be his friend. A little oasis in the dry desert that was his life. He could have sworn that he would have been her friend forever, and he hoped that he could have been more. Not that he would expect someone like Evans to be interested in him.

While he believed that she would never want to be with him, he never thought he would do anything that could ruin their friendship, but that's exactly what happened. In his attempt to get the people he didn't really like all that much to like him, he found himself slipping away from the only one he liked, the only one he loved. He tells himself that it isn't his fault, if anything it was hers. She was the one who began to chose the other people in the school over him. He didn't want to slip away from her, it was just what happened…and then she befriended that prat James Potter, actually went out with him…he doesn't even want to think about that.

After he lost Lily…well, he wasn't in a good place. She was the one thing keeping him sane in this world, the one person who made him feel…human. She made him feel like he was worth something. She knew him for who he was and she liked him…well, she did before. Without her there as support, he sort of threw himself into the role that he picked for himself. The role of the perfect little, blood traitor hating Slytherin. He threw himself into it because…well…what else did he have?

He had been hoping that after he got out of Hogwarts he'd be able to drop all of the exhausting acting, be able to step out from behind his façade and just be himself for once, but it seemed as if whatever god there was up there had other plans for him. Plans that didn't involve him being happen. So emerged into the role he gave himself in order to survive his school years was he, he found himself entering the ranks of Voldemort himself, even managing to get into his inner circle. It meant losing a lot of things…like his freedom and his dignity, but he didn't really remember having much of either of those things to begin with. It seemed as if he was always trying to play some sort of role, he had been doing it so long he forgot how to be anything else. For a while he actually forgot himself, ignoring the sick feeling in his gut that he got whenever he took an order from that vile excuse for a man and convincing himself that this was what he wanted.

When a man like Severus Snape throws himself into something, he puts his entire life into it, as if each task of his takes a piece of his soul with him. He actually believed for a little while that what he wanted to do was help Voldemort with his little world domination plot. He had to completely emerge himself into what he was doing to forget…forget what he had lost when he accidentally chose this path rather than a path that would lead him to the woman he loved. It took quite a catastrophic event to shake him out of his delusional fog. That event was the death of Lily Potter.

He had no idea what he was getting into when he passed on the message of the prophecy along to his master. All he knew was that there was a choice between two boys, the son of Frank and Alice Longbottom, and the son of Lily and James Potter. Honestly, he didn't lose much sleep over the idea of them losing their son (okay, he was a little bitter), but he made it clear that Lily wasn't to be touched. She was an innocent, she had done nothing wrong to anyone. It was the worst day of his life, the day he found out that Lily Potter was dead. She was dead and it was his doing.

The death of Lily Potter shook him to his very soul and made him seriously rethink things in his life. Once again, he made a decision that cost him more than what he was willing to give up. First it cost him his friendship with Lily, then it cost Lily's life. He had made the decision when he was caught listening to the prophecy to help Dumbledore, because he knew that it was the right thing to do, though somehow that small moral victory didn't quite compensate for the fact that the information he gave to Voldemort caused her death.

He had blood on his hands. Innocent blood…the blood of the woman he loved. She was dead and it was his fault, and there was no way to ever bring her back. That was the simple truth that he lived with for eleven years, trying to keep himself together, trying to not let it show as he pursued the shaping of the minds of young witches and wizards. He once again threw himself into his work, letting it consume him in hopes that overloading his brain with work would push out the thoughts of what he did. Instead, he would work himself until he was worn out, then thoughts of the one he lost would plague his dreams, ruining the few hours of relief he had.

So he dealt with his self hatred, and the hatred that he had from most of the students at school, and the poorly disguised mistrust from Dumbledore and the rest of the staff for eleven years, and actually began to get used to it. He wasn't happy, he had never been happy, but at least he was used to the pain. It was all the same, nothing new. He was like a cancer patient, the agony was constant, but it never got any better or worse, so he could deal with it, the only thought keeping himself together was that one day he might find some relief. Either by finally becoming happy, or by death, there would be some relief.

Just when he thought he was really getting to a place where he might be able to be comfortable with, it happened. He spent eleven years trying to forget what he had done to Lily, and the summer before the school year he found out that Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, would be attending Hogwarts. Right in front of his face for the next seven years would be a walking reminder of what he had done to Lily, he couldn't help but feel a surge of white hot resentment that he managed to live when she didn't. He hated the boy. He hated the boy for being a part of the prophecy and he hated him for being the reason Voldemort went out and killed Lily.

Still, as much as he would have enjoyed to cause severe bodily harm to the boy, he knew he couldn't. Dumbledore loved him too much, he was his special little boy. The brave little soldier fighting against so much adversity, stumbling into hardships when he was just trying to be a regular teenage boy. He kept quiet, he didn't voice out why he had been angry. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't because Harry had been put in the same situation as Severus was, but while Dumbledore showered Harry with affection and appraisal, he treated his potions master like a scratching post. He was the spy, the man willing to risk his life and more than just that for him, knowing the risks, and he was treated like scum.

Harry's first year went by and he didn't try and hide the fact that he hated the boy. He looked so much like his father, that bloody prat who tormented him at Hogwarts and yet got Dumbledore's, as well as the rest of the school's favor. He let Harry see how much he hated him, not caring how hard it made life at school for him, for he was making Severus' life hard just by being there. Still, he knew that Harry's arrival at school meat that Voldemort was going to double his efforts to try and come back. He had to protect the boy, as much as he hated it, he just had to. He had to do it for Dumbledore, who did so much for him even if Severus resented him. He had to do it for Lily, it was the very least he could do.

Of course Harry didn't believe that he had saved him. He didn't believe that he was capable of trying to help him, so clouded was he by his prejudices, just like his father before him. He didn't care, though, he was used to doing everything right and getting none of the reward or gratitude for it, and he didn't want to hear a 'thank you' from Harry, because he wasn't doing it for him.

Snape was never foolish enough to believe that the Dark Lord was gone for good, so in the back of his mind lingered the thought that he was going to have to go back to the role he began to play all those years ago. That of a spy. He hoped that it wouldn't happen until he was too old and feeble to properly spy for Dumbledore, as much as he wanted to do what was right, he knew that playing the part of a double agent would slowly kill him. He'd had experience in that sort of thing. Unfortunately, Voldemort managed to return to full form in Harry's fourth year, which ended up adding yet another layer onto the immense amount of shit piled on top of him.

For the next three years he played his part and played it damn well. He managed to make it so no one was sure which side he was on other than Dumbledore. He managed to convince the Dark Lord that he was on his side and not Dumbledore's. This resulted in making him so world weary that he found it difficult to stand upright throughout the entire day. He delved deeper and deeper into both sides he was playing for, it got to the point where there were times he couldn't remember just who the hell he was.

In the last two years of his life, he began to realize that even he didn't know who he was. He had been playing the roles he needed to for so long, he didn't know what it was like to be himself. This sort of disillusionment with his own life and personality caused him to switch between being a drone and being in intense pain for the last months of his time on Earth.

Pain. He was in pain when Dumbledore told him that he would have to kill him when the time came to it. Severus couldn't tell a soul about it, once again the people he was protecting would hate his guts for something he was ordered to do.

Numb. He was numb as he slowly strode towards Dumbledore, his wand loose in his hand. Intense blue met his black as the older wizards formed a feeble "Severus…please." Like so many times before, his wand raised, muttered a few syllables and in a snap he was dead. Gone to the rest of the world.

Pain. It was agony having to once again play the role of the double agent when the one person who believed he was good was dead by his hand. He had to continue to play his role, the loyal servant to the Dark Lord, while still protecting the boy whom he disliked so much, all while no one noticed it was him.

Numb. He stood in front of Lord Voldemort in the Shrieking Shack. His breathing was slow, face gaunt and pale, his posture even worse than it was before, back curved forward under the weight of the world. Words came out of his mouth, trying to get the wizard in front of him to spare his life but his hear wasn't into it. He was done. He was finished. He was ready to die…he needed it.

Even as the snake's razor sharp fangs dug into his neck, sending him crashing to the floor, causing him to bleed out slowly, the pain of it was dulled. He was used to pain, had been conditioned to take it. It was almost…boring to him, almost expecting the pain to live on even after his death. With his luck, that was what death would be to him, an eternity in pain. The only thing that broke the monotony was seeing…Potter. In his last moments he felt the urge to show the boy whom he had protected all of these years just what he had been doing. He knew that with Dumbledore dead, the truth would die with him. And with that last act, he drifted away, eyes closing, never to open again.

Severus' eyes open slowly, eyebrows furrowed as he glances around at this strange new location he has found himself in. He knows it's like no place he had been before…an endless span of white. A feeling of tranquility. He pushes himself to his feet, letting out a small groan out of sheer habit, but not feeling the usual creaking in his joints and pain in his muscles.

His hand rests on his shoulder, rubbing it slowly. It feels like muscle again, not like concrete as he remembers. His other hand rests on his neck, expecting to feel a gaping hole there where the snakes fangs had been, instead he feels smooth skin. Not even a raised scar to show the puncture that had ended his life. He stands up completely straight now, his posture perfect now. It really is over, he is free.

"Whoa!" Severus' voice calls out as he feels himself being jerked upward by one leg, hanging upside down in mid-air. He lets out a small grumble. "Potter…and here I thought I had managed to make it to heaven. I so thought we were beyond this." He says, folding his arms over his chest as his dark eyes look over the form of James Potter.

James walks toward him, a self satisfied smirk on his lips as he twirls his wand between his fingers. "I figured, 'once more for old times.' Nostalgia is a good think." He says. "And you are in heaven, somehow you managed to make it." He says in a teasing manner.

"If this is eternal bliss, I'll take damnation." Severus' voice rumbles from his chest, not enjoying the fact that he can't escape this sort of annoyance even in death. "In a choice between being constantly burned and stabbed with a fiery pitch fork and spending time with you, I choose the former."

"You really need to lighten up." James says, giving a small nod and watching Severus fall to the floor with a dull thunk. "You're dead now, no need to be constantly on your defenses." He says, walking over and sitting down on the floor next to the other man, folding his knees to his chest, arms wrapping around his shins. "No more hanging you upside down, no more names. I'm past that point in my afterlife, Severus." He says softly, the words not coming out easily.

Snape glances over at James, rather surprised by his sudden change in demeanor, it's actually quite eerie. He had never heard his actual name uttered in James' voice, it sounded out of place. For the first time in a very long time, he finds himself at a complete loss of what to say.

"You look like hell, Sev." James chimes in after a long silence.

"You look like the same pompous ass you always were." Severus mutters.

"I'm trying to be friendly, here."

"This is me being friendly, Potter."

"You're making this very difficult, Snape." James says, his voice growing louder as he gets a little bit more frustrated. "I'm…trying to say something, you're making it difficult."

"What's making it difficult is your inability to articulate your thoughts like a big boy, being a prat will do that to you." Says a different voice from behind them. A female voice.

Severus' head turns so quickly it nearly gives him whiplash. "Lily…" He said softly, his mouth falling open. She looks gorgeous, so beautiful. If there was any doubt in his mind that he was in heaven, it's gone now. She walks over and sits down on the floor as well, making a triangle with the two of them, a smile on her face. She ruffles her husbands hair, always loving to tease him.

"You're so supportive, Lily." James grumbles, managing a small pout at her.

"It takes someone who truly loves you to tell you the truth. You, my love, are a prat. An adorable, wonderful prat, but a prat nonetheless." She replies with a grin, before turning towards Severus. Her expression turns slightly more serious, biting on her lower lip lightly. "He's here…we're here to thank you."

Severus actually finds his face flushing a little bit, James and Lily were always good at doing that when no one else could, thought each of them for different reasons. "It's nothing…" He says softly. While he had wanted for years to let Lily know what he had been doing for her, he never thought it would actually happen.

Lily shakes her head slowly, red hair swishing into her face as she scoots closer to her, hand reaching out and cupping his cheek lightly. "You know that's not true, Sev." She says, smiling lightly as she watches Severus' eyes close lazily, her thumb rubbing along his cheek. "You're so warm now…"

While James lets out a small sigh and looks down at the floor, Severus opens his eyes again to look at her, a genuine smile spreading across his lips, something that doesn't happen quite often. "I did it for you, Lily. I did everything for you…" He says, though his expression slowly falls into a frown. "I'm sorry that you died…it was my fault. It was my doing." He begins to say but she puts her finger over his lips, shushing him with a shake of her head.

"Don't talk like that. Don't even think like that." Lily gently scolded him, a frown on her face. "You didn't mean for this to happen, I know you didn't. Besides…it was a prophecy, it would have eventually happened." She says with a small shrug.

"In any case, you have more than made up for it." James says softly, feeling the words coming out a little bit easier now. "We care more for our son than we do for ourselves, and you have kept him safe when you didn't have to."

"So…I just want to say that I forgive you." Lily says, her deep green eyes looking into Severus'. "Though I only forgive you because I feel you need to hear me say it, when there really is nothing to forgive. It's actually you who deserves an apology. I'm sorry I doubted your friendship…I was young and angry and scared and confused. Hindsight is twenty-twenty I suppose, but that's no excuse. I am really sorry." She says before letting out a small sigh, looking over at James.

James remains silent for a few seconds. Thanking Severus had been a little bit difficult, but he was able to do it because of what he had done for Harry…apologizing was a whole different can of beans. "What she said…" He says softly.

"James, grow up." She says, rolling her eyes at him.

"Alright alright….I'm sorry, Severus. I treated you like scum, and you didn't deserve it, not from me and not from anyone else. If I could go back and change things around, I would…but…you know…I can't." James mutters.

"Don't strain yourself, Potter." Severus says, though he made sure to wait until after James was finished his stuttering apology. While Lily's apology was like a weight lifted off of his very soul, Potter's apology gave him a sort of self satisfaction.

"You have no idea how hard that was, Snape." James mutters, though there's a light smile on his face.

"You can go take a nap if you need to." Severus replies, a smirk twisting his lips as Lily rolls her eyes playfully at the two of them.

After that a silence falls between them, where Sev doesn't quite know what to say, and James and Lily both look at each other, as if deciding what to do next. Or maybe it's that they know what to do next, and they're just deciding at what point to do it.

After a few more minutes of this, Lily finally breaks the silence. "Sev, there is one more thing…" She says softly, shifting so that she is sitting on her knees. James stands up, stretching his arms over his head.

"And I think this is my cue to leave…" James mutters softly, not really happy about what is going to happen, but he is allowing it anyway. The man deserves it after all he's gone through, James just can't be around for it.

Severus looks between the two of them, confusion in his eyes. "What's this, Lily?" He asks softly, though any thought of speaking further leaves his mind when he feels her hands cup his cheeks.

She tilts his face to look up into hers, their eyes meeting, a smile crossing her soft lips once more. "Something I should have done long ago…" She says in a voice barely above a whisper. She then leans her head in and presses her lips against his in a soft kiss, her eyes falling closed.

If his heart had a beat, it probably would have stopped just then. This was the last thing he had been expecting, but he doesn't mind at all. He places a hand on her hip, his other on her cheek as he kisses her back, his lips moving slowly against hers. The kiss continues for a few more seconds before Lily pulls slowly away.

Her eyelids flutter slightly before they open again, and she notices that she is breathing a little bit faster than she had been before their lips met. She runs a hand back through her hair, biting her lower lip as she looks at him.

Severus is likewise speechless at what just occurred. He never thought he would ever get to feel those lips against his, but it was better than he imagined. "Thank you so much, Lily."

"No Sev, thank you." She says, pressing a kiss to his forehead before standing up herself. "I'll…see you around then." She says, giving her a small wave with her fingers before turning around and walking away.

Severus looks at her in complete silence as she walks away, his mouth hanging slightly open in shock and awe. After a minute or so, however, the open mouth stare turns into a grin, something he hasn't done in as long as he can remember. He then lays on his back, arms stretched out to the side of him, breathing slowly.

This feeling….this strange new phenomenon. This happy feeling. He can get used to this.


End file.
